proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
