my mouth tastes like poor choices
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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