Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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