I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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