It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
