Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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