After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
