Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
