I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
