your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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