please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.