I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
