i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
