Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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