We're facebook friends in real life
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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