it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize