when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
