At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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