my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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