When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
