I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize