I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
