i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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