You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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