Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do herpes really smell.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
