I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You did what with his pubic hair?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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