Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
