Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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