I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
