69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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