her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
