I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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