I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
