Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
