I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm too high and old for this...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
