sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
