i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
