omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
