Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
