she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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