i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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