I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
