I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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