There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
