Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
