If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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