I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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