I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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