My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
