I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
