nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
