my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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