my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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