It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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