Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
