Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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