I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
