I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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