It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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