$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
