Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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