I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
