fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
