I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
