Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize