I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
