GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
